just tell him i said nine months
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
