So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
