I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't deserve a penis
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
