I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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