know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
