Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
