so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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