I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
