Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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