the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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