dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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