I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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