sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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