Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
