I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize