you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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