Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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