So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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