Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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