my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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