I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
