Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
