Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
