You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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