well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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