I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
