i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
