Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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