dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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