i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found the puke drawer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
