We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
