Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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