i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
