you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
