What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
