does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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