the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just pee around me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
