who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
