Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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