I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
