Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I party with great urgency now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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