I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
