Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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