Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
