my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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