Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
