me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
