There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
