Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
