you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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