i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
