I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
