I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We talked him into tasing himself.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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