The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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