Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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