I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
