He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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