we're chasing vodka with high fives
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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