I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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