East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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