i was born a porn star she said
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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