I've blown a few things in my day
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
