So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
