STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
