I think my fart just growled at me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
