Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
