Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love having hate sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize