i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
only you would photoshop your dick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
