You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
