Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
