Your face is a jimmy john
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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