dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's shark week go big or go home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
