Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
